Wednesday, May 4, 2011

HEY, Gert! Let's go to Miami!

Welcome to the latest adventure to befall the fabulous trio known as Betty, Gert and Mertyl.

Imagine yourself living in a sitcom that is a crazy mix of Laverne & Shirley and The Golden Girls, Now you’re in the right frame of mind for this tale.

Here are the trip highlights :( and ALL the other stuff that happened.

Right out of the gate things weren’t going well for Mertyl as she was chosen for a full body scan.  After assuming the position in the glass cylinder for what seemed like ten minutes, she was asked to step back out and go through regular security because they needed to recalibrate the machine.  There was also some issue with Mertyl’s baby powder.  Apparently fine powders resemble liquids?

Gert had some issues leaving Alabama as her plane to Miami was broken.  After using her sweet southern charm on the unsuspecting gate agent, Gert was put on a direct flight to Miami aborting her side trip to North Carolina. 

Betty was the first to strike out but the last to arrive.  She’s currently considering using that as the title of her autobiography.


Gert’s luggage is impossible to lose until you realize half the luggage in the airport at Miami is wrapped in the same lime green color of plastic wrap.

Upon arriving at the hotel, Betty took a nap while Gert and Mertyl went for a stroll on the beach. 

Being super excited to see their friends, the fab trio was a bit early for the meet; being unable to locate a bar they just sat in the hotel lobby and discussed the ‘modern’ décor and their lack of appreciation for it.


There was this amazing white couch that Mertyl and Gert happily sank down into while Betty sat in a chair across the room pretending not to know them.

Once Danielle, Casey and Lola arrived the crew went out to find some adventure and by adventure I mean dinner.  Miami may never be the same.

Barely two blocks from the hotel, Gert had a run in with a fire hydrant that got very personal.  Naturally being good friends the crew spent the rest of the weekend pointing out and protecting Gert from the fire hydrants.

Just two blocks later Danielle attracted a fellow who persistently chatted her up even after she explained to him that we were in town for the Gay & LESBIAN film festival because she was a LESBIAN actress/director of a LESBIAN film that would be showing in the Gay & LESBIAN film festival.  He did point us in the direction of an area where lots of restaurants are located, and then he walked us all the way there.

After a small bit of walking we found a restaurant with a table that would accommodate us and a tug-a-war ensued as some other lady crew claimed they had a reservation and they just sit down. What happened next wasn’t pretty.   It didn’t quite turn into a brawl as no actual punches were thrown but there was some chest bumping.  While waiting for the manager to sort out the scrum, Casey and I checked out the menu.  Then she vetoed the restaurant and we moved on.  This happened at the next eight restaurants, the vetoing not the brawling.
We finally settled on an Italian restaurant where half of the crew ordered steaks.  We somehow managed to have an enjoyable and uneventful dining experience.

We took a nice relaxing stroll on the beach back to the hotels.  Once the trio arrived back in their room Betty was cold and Gert was hot; then there was water flying across the room followed by a wrestling match which was just too close to call.   The final decision was a draw.  They’ve schedule a rematch late in June somewhere in San Francisco.  (The exact date, time and place – TBD)

Sunday was a fun day—there were Mimosas, Bloody Marys, Mojitos, Cranberry vodkas, Coke & whiskey, and Pomegranate Margaritas and that’s just what Mertyl had to drink.  Obviously she doesn’t remember what anyone else did that day or had to drink.   

Due to some mix up Lola was booted from her hotel and had the misfortune of bunking with Mertyl, Gert, and Betty.  Poor girl probably still has nightmares from being startled wake in the middle of the night by Betty bellowing “Gert, GERT!  You’re freezing my ASS off.” 

Sunday afternoon as the fantastic four traveled to meet Danielle and Casey for drinks a great debate broke out, no one remembers what it was about.  Arriving once again a bit early they resumed their previous conversation about the hotel’s choice of décor.  Casey arrived at the appointed time and wanted to set the record straight.  She claimed it is the butches that take the longest to get ready.  Half an hour later Danielle joined us and then she was gone for another half in search of the perfect bloody Mary.

Once the drinks were drunk the crew climbed into a taxi and headed to the We Have To Stop Now Season 2 Feature World Premiere.  About four blocks later the cabbie dropped the ladies at a theater, the wrong theater.  

So they hiked for like 12 blocks passing two other wrong theaters on the way.   Probably about block six of their unexpected hike, Casey was regretting her choice of foot attire.  
Casey’s next regret of the evening was leaving her purse under the care of the fab trio.  Being in good spirits Mertyl isn’t quite sure of the exact details but it went something like this…

After the Q&A the crew gathered with other film viewers on an outside balcony for the after party.    One of the crew (no one wants credit for this) set Casey’s purse on a table near the balcony.  At some point later in the evening poor Gert had another run in with an inanimate object.  As she was mounting one of the tall chairs she slipped, and as she was falling she grabbed the table toppling it over and catapulting Casey’s purse over the balcony into the street below.  Turns out this type of purse isn’t very aerodynamic.

Once Casey’s surprisingly intact purse was retrieved, the crew went to dinner.  Again the crew was able to have a nice, uneventful dinner.  After dinner as they discussed the amazing weekend a questionable decision was made to commemorate their time together by getting matching tattoos.    Good Times!!

Betty’s weekend phrase: I wanna go to the racetrack

Gert’s weekend phrase: Shut it, Betty!!

Mertyl’s weekend phrase: who knows?  Mertyl didn’t get to talk.

BTW the entire reason for the trip to Miami was to view the world premiere feature of We Have To Stop Now Season 2 and it was very good!   Film review coming soon, check back hourly.

Disclaimer:  The characters and events in this blog are fictitious.  Any similarity to real persons living or dead is coincidental and not intended by this blogger.

Stay tuned for further adventures!!